2:43

Jan 10 2018

 

This Feeling

 

Night and Day, I confuse now

In this troubled mind of mine

I stay up, thinking of who I am, who I want to be

But does it really matter in this world of SHOULD Be’s?

I think long

and I come face to face with a tough wall

Called reality

 

Is this really how it was supposed to be?

Me crying at night and smiling when the sun comes up

With no recalling of what makes me feel what I feel

I can’t explain it

I don’t want to explain it

I don’t have to explain it

They will just have to forget I said anything

 

Why does it feel like I’m sick all the time

When I seem to be fine

 

This is no love song

Nor a sad song

This is not even a song

It is my heart speaking and my fingers typing

 

After this, what will I have?

All I’m asking is for this feeling to leave me

I didn’t ask for it

I just wanted to live my dream, to be happy

What is this new harsh wall I am facing,

Called fear

 

I know that it isn’t supposed to be easy

I get that.

But please, God.

Can I have it easy?

I am not questioning your power, your presence, and your actions

I am just questioning my own will

I want to give up and cry

But I can’t, because I know my inner self

And that’s not I

 

I am a strong woman

I won’t let life break me

I will let it make me

But only if it betters me

When I think of the future, and all of my dreams coming true

I want to work harder to leave behind this ephemeral wall

Called difficulty

 

But even if I cannot leave it behind

I only wish for one thing

I wish for you to let me break every diminishing wall

And let me get to happy